On this morning 2 years ago we were packing up our bags and cleaning our Ronald McDonald house room as fast as we could so we could load up our one month old baby girl and go HOME for the first time!
It seemed that we had been there so much longer then a month, I guess that since she had gone through a cath surgery, 2 open heart surgeries, transplant evaluation, and feeding/occupational/physical therapy, it was a lot to pack into a month. Not to mention that Jon and I had been there 2 weeks prior to her birth (Doctors orders).
The days seemed so long, everyday was full of unknown, we almost lost her on more then one occasion. But we were finally bringing our girl home, our girl that wasn't supposed to live, our girl with half a broken heart and terribly weak lungs. God is good and today we celebrate His goodness!
This day 2 years ago is a day I longed for so badly, I just wanted to bring her home to hold her whenever I wanted to, to kiss her all day, to sleep in a bed (not a hard narrow hospital "couch") I wanted to lay Ella in her little cradle beside my bed (the same cradle that most of my family has slept in for generations), I wanted to show her the chandelier her daddy had hung over her crib...
Bringing her home didn't come without fear... what if something went wrong? What would I do without a nurse/doctor at my beckoned call? What if she got sick... even a common cold would have killed her. I was only 21 at the time, but my body ached as if I was much much older. I was tired and recovering from a difficult (to say the least) pregnancy and a c-section. I was pumping every 3 hours all through the night for little miss, who was too weak to nurse, and I had spent the last month in a hospital room standing by my baby's bed.
Oh the emotions that we faced everyday, it was such a difficult time. Thank goodness for a wonderfully supportive husband who is helpful and got up and fed Ella every night while I pumped so I didn't have to fed her then pump and therefore I got a little more sleep.
Hard to believe all of that was real, that it happened, that we have to go back, that it's never going to be over, that her heart can't be fixed, only mended. God has been overwhelmingly good to us in ways we never could have imagined. This blog has been a source of comfort, knowing that so many people are praying for our sunshine, and sharing her story. Every time her story is shared awareness for Congenital heart defects is spread and even though Ella's conditions are very rare, heart defects in general are not uncommon. 1 in 100 babies are born with a CHD. So thank you for reading, for sharing, but most importantly for praying!
Today I am watching my big girl play pretend with her baby doll and getting random unprompted hugs and kisses (favorite!) Saying "I love you" and hearing "I love you tooo!", yesterday I let Ella paint for the first time, she loved it! She is so much fun, so sweet, so pleasant to be around! She is a wonderful blessing every moment of everyday, I have no words to express my joy today. I'm pretty sure that I feel that way every single day, but, wow this feeling never gets old!
Ella girl, I hope you have enjoyed these two years at home! I hope you always love to come home! We love you and thank God for you!
On an unrelated side note, tomorrow is our 5th wedding anniversary! :) So in love with my husband and best friend. I feel overwhelmed trying to write anything about him because it just never seems enough. He is as close to perfect as they come. I can honestly say that I have never met a person that is as kind, as smart, or someone who serves as much as my husband. There is no one that I respect more then the man who has loved me in sickness and in health and who has given more of himself then I even thought possible. He truly loves me the way Christ loves the church. He is my hero. I love you best friend! Happy anniversary!
BEAUTIFUL WEDDING PHOTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your little doll is 2. How wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI just want to say I've been praying and following Ella's story since July of 2010. I didn't have a heart child, but I understood the helplessness you must have felt not being able to FIX anything! At the time, my daughter was a few months old (I also had a 3 year old) and your story really touched my mommy-heart. Your faith in the face of those scary circumstances really inspired me. I didn't know how you guys could have held it together without shaking your faith. My 8 day old daughter just had open heart surgery on Friday. After an uneventful twin pregnancy, Zion, our son, was rushed to NICU at our local hospital with severe breathing problems. Eden, my 'healthy' one, started having problems Friday night, and my mommy's intuition kicked in, and I asked a nurse to take her for observation. After a quick checking over, they rushed her to the NICU as well, then transfered her early Saturday morning to a NICU 2 hours away. That was the longest week of our lives! And I realized that I didn't 'make it through' with unshaken faith, but everytime I felt hopeless, someone texted or called or messaged me on Facebook with prayer and support. I also felt just WAVES of grace and prayer very often. So my faith may have been shaken, but I knew no matter the outcome, God is good. Eden has made it through her surgery, but is still facing a long road and right now is struggling. I'm clinging to God even when I'm feeling angry or too weak to keep going. Thanks for going there first, and for being transparent through your journey. I know when I can't be strong for myself or for my daughter, God is still there with His hands on us. Still praying for Ella. Please keep my Eden in your prayers, along with my helpless Mommy heart.
ReplyDeleteJessica