10 Months (on June 9th) with our sweet sunshine!

Thankful... thankful is the word to describe how my heart is feeling. Humbled by His grace I sit here and write about the last 10 months. The 10 months we weren't supposed to have, the 10 months that have brought me more joy and more pain then I have ever felt in my whole life. Ella Dawn has forever changed me. I will NEVER be the same. She makes me love deeper, cherish the little moments more, and she makes me want to be a better person. Sometimes I wonder to myself if God really knew what He was doing when He made me Ella's momma, I wondered if I was really the best momma out there for her... surely not I thought to myself nearly every day. But I am convinced that she is the BEST daughter for me! Whether she was sent here for me to change her life, or for her to change mine I'm not sure, but I only hope that one day she will know how very much I love her. Some days this journey seems possible, I just feel like this is the path, okay let's do this. Other times it is heartbreakingly unbearable. Death is all around us in the heart world, and even though Ella is excelling she is always at risk, her heart is working twice as hard as all of ours. Sometimes when I look into my sweet sunshine's eyes my own eyes swell with tears as I thank the Lord for another day. This 10 months has had a lot of pain, but we have also had so many incredible moments. In the last 10 months Ella took her first breath, we touched her hands and saw her sweet face for the first time, we looked into each others eyes for the first time, Ella smiled for the first time, we held our baby for the first time, Ella learned to breath without oxygen, we took our baby home from the hospital, Ella took her first car ride, Ella slept in her crib, she wore her first outfit, she ate from a bottle, she ate baby food, she went to church for the first time, she was publicly dedicated to Jesus, she has for the most part continuously gained weight, Ella learned to roll over, she learned to sit up, she learned to stand, she learned to sleep through the night, she learned to blow a kiss, she learned how to dance, she learned how to say "Dadda" and "Momma", she learned how to say all done in sign language, she had her first bite of ice cream and sno cone, she has learned to eat a solid without throwing up, she has gone through 5 separate surgeries (3 open heart 2 cath) infection free, she had her first Thanksgiving Christmas New Years Valentines Day and Easter, she learned how to drink from a sippy cup,she learned how to feed herself with a spoon, she learned how to drink from a straw, she had her first week without a doctor visit, she had her first pigtails, she went "swimming" for the first time, she went on her first walk, she had her first picnic, she got her first two teeth, she had her first kisses and hugs, she heard "I love you" thousands of times, she made me and daddy cry tears of joy, her diaphragm was healed, She has defeated her 20% survival chance, She has daily made me smile, wow... tears flowing down an abundantly grateful momma's face right now. Thank you Jesus for an incredible 10 months of firsts of many more to come, of LIFE!


                                                  Day one... a precious long awaited meeting

Getting to hold her for the first time

her first outfit

first bottle

breathing all on her own!!

leaving the hospital one month old!

leaving Dallas and heading HOME!

in her crib for the first time!

first Thanksgiving

first Christmas

first Valentine's Day

first picnic

first baby food

learning to roll

first pony tail

first Easter

standing

Baby Dedication at Church

First pigtails and first 2 teeth!

                                                             Learning to eat by herself!

                            Happy 10 months Ella Dawn, what an incredible 10 months it has been! :)