Mother's Day 2012

Mother's Day 2010

Mother's Day 2011

Mother's Day 2012

I had a wonderful day celebrating being a mother! Truly being a mother is so amazing, better then I could have ever imagined. To have somebody love you, need you, want you, it's just wonderful! Ella is so big and she is a dream come true for this momma's heart. I never knew what my journey to motherhood would look like, I never knew what I would face as a mother. The fear of losing the little girl who really made my life feel worth while. Being Ella's mommy is perfect. The fear and pain that comes with being a heart mom is just a hint of this life compared to the JOY that radiates from her. Truly, I can honestly say, with my whole heart, that if I lose her, every single moment I would have gotten to spend with her would be worth it. I can't say what the rest of my life would look like, but no matter the future I am honored and blessed to be Ella Dawn's mommy. She is happy 99% of the time, she is ornery enough to be adorable and adventurous and obedient enough to earn my trust. She loves outside and all things girly. My wish as her mother is that I will help her reach her potential and help her to face this life that she has been given with an attitude of gratefulness and determination. Where she doesn't feel afraid to live, where she isn't afraid to die. I wish for her to know everyday is a gift, she is not better or worse then those who have a whole heart. She is loved by her maker, and He loves her dearly. The love I have the privilege of feeling towards my sweet Ella helps me trust God with her and my future. If He truly loves me the way the Bible says He does then the safest place we can ever be is in His will. I am human and I would die before I would purposely allow harm near Ella, how much more capable of Love is The perfect God who knows and created all? How grateful I am for that knowledge. Even though I will never grasp the depth of His love, just knowing it's more then my love for Ella let's me know it's enough. I hope you all had a wonderful mother's day celebrating! Never take being a mother for granted, it is a wonderful GIFT! Everyday should be lived to the fullest, make time to love on the little ones in your life, being a mommy certainly isn't the most glamorous job, and for Ella and I it is certainly not a job where I get to get out often, but the days are flying by and for me I love being a mommy every moment of everyday. Every sacrifice, every day that you spend in pj's, every time you miss a full nights sleep, every time you change a diaper, every time you clean up the same mess for the 5th time the same day, every time you read the favorite book again, it's all worth it, it's all a blessing, it's all important. I have seen too many mommy's with empty arms as the days were cut short. As my heart aches with each new loss I see nearly weekly it drives me to love Ella better. Not through fear of the future, but simply realizing the gift of today. Happy Mother's Day, may you Love deeper, this year as you enjoy the blessing of Motherhood!

Special Happy Mother's Day to My mom, you taught me how to be strong when life is hard. You are the only person that I have ever trusted to care for Ella, you listen when I need to cry through the fear of loss. You are the perfect example of letting go and yet still being there. You have been a rock to our whole family. Thank you for teaching me of God's love, for teaching me to love my daughter, thank you for homeschooling me, thank you for equipping me with the skills I have needed to survive since Dec. 20th 2009 when my life changed forever. Thank you for sitting with me when we thought I lost Ella to miscarriage, thank you for sitting with me when I was too sick to live at home, thank you for caring for me in the hospital stays, thank you for encouraging me to keep going when I was so weak I could hardly stand, thank you for coming with me and hearing the words "hypoplastic left heart syndrome" and "open heart surgeries", thank you for delivering the news that she only had a 20% chance to survive when I was too upset to make any calls, Thank you for coming to Dallas to help us for as long as we needed, thank you for being there when Ella entered the world, thank you for sitting with me when Jon and Ella had to leave for her surgery, thank you for taking the first picture of Ella's open eyes for me to see, thank you for helping me through the hardest things I have ever had to face. Thank you for your constant sacrifices, thank you for being the perfect "nana" You mean the world to Jon, Ella, and I. We love you dearly, you are our hero!