We have arrived in Dallas and tomorrow it begins. Doctors appointments, x-rays, echo cardiograms, EKGs, blood work... tears. It will be a long day for Ella, and for Jon and I. Not sure I am quite ready to be back here in this place, but ready or not the time has come for Ella's next big step and I am scared yet so very proud of how brave and strong she has been. Knowing that in the past she has blown the doctors away with her progress helps me hope for the best, yet being a mom, and knowing the facts makes me still fear the worst. The plan for now is to have her third open heart surgery on Thursday, I don't know what time yet, but I know it will be God's time! She will have to be put on the ventilator, and the bypass machine, she will be in a hospital during the flu season, she will have lots of opportunities for infections... etc... any single one of these things could take her life, not to mention one small mistake from the surgeon or slip of his hand and the consequences could be fatal. Ella is full of smiles today, playful and sweet. She isn't in pain and she isn't scared of what lies ahead. I wish I could explain why I'm "allowing" the pain she will feel. I'm glad she isn't as anxious as I am. Somehow it seems cruel to smile at her one moment and then make her endure such pain the next, but it's what has to be done. I wonder if that is how God feels when he looks at us, He sees the pain we are about to endure and we have no idea it's coming and then BAM! It hits like a mighty ocean wave knocking us down and twisting us upside down. Sometimes we don't understand why, and sometimes God can't explain, but we know that we can trust Him that the pain is only temporary, and it's for our ultamite good. Sometimes when those times come it's hard to trust Him and sometimes we can get angry or our feelings get hurt thinking why did He allow "that". I only hope Ella won't be angry at me... maybe one day she will know just how very much I love her and that this hurts me so much. Please be praying for peace, strength, wisdom, comfort, and most importantly please pray that the Lord of miracles sees fit to save her life once more.
What a powerful analogy of God allowing painful things to bring His best. Love and prayers!
ReplyDeleteAmy, my prayers continue to be with you and sweet, little Ella. God is still in control and He will see you through this. He gives you exactly what you need to face each hurdle. God will be with Ella when she is in surgery, He will guide the surgeons hands and give them wisdom to do exactly what Ella needs at this time. Years from now when she is able to understand the seriousness of her condition she will be very thankful for parents who were willing to do whatever it takes. And she will be most thankful for parents who put their trust in their Heavenly Father and taught her to do the same.
ReplyDeleteJoy/Chandler, OK
Continuing to pray for all of you ... love you sweet family ♥
ReplyDelete"The Lord is my Shepherd, I will not want...He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He restoreth my soul ... and yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me ... my cup runneth over ... surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever..." (Psalm 23)
ReplyDeleteHow much I understand the worry over a child and the awful torture of having to watch a child endure pain "for her own good." You are a great parent, and that is why you feel the harsh realities of going back to Dallas.
Nevertheless, remember that God has been and indneed still is with you three! Fear is not something to be berated for; it's a reality of parenting. But hang in there, and feel the comfort from the many, many prayers being offered up for you as we whisper Ella's name to God.
May all proceed perfectly well, and may she have a swift recovery, just as before, and soon be back home again!
God is with you; He will never leave you or forsake you. Lean on Him or let Him pick you up and carry you through the next few days.
Our family loves you three, and we are praying for you!
...from Emma Janae Stewart's "Nana Jana"
You all remain in my thoughts and prayers. Taking your little one for open heart surgery is by far the hardest thing in the world.
ReplyDeleteWill be praying for your sweet girl. And loved your analogy - handing our babies over is the hardest thing. I remember smiling for pics right before they took her back but feeling like I was dying inside. Sending prayers and hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers and thoughts for you...Philipians 1:2-7: "Grace and peace to Jon, Amy & Ella from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in Ella, Amy & Jon will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart!!!!!"
ReplyDeleteYour wisdom and love for the Lord thoughout this trial is more than inspirational. I wonder... if I can be this proud of you and only be an acquaintance, how much more proud is He? I am praying for Ella.
ReplyDeleteWe are praying...love you all so much!
ReplyDeleteThe Crawley Crew
I'm a friend of Jen's and I think you are an amazing mom. You have a beautiful family, Ella is precious. I pray for the Lord to sustain you, your husband and your sweet baby. She is so cute, you'd never think she had anything serious going on. Stay strong in the Lord. Your strength and faith are an inspiration.
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