Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Post by Amy... heart mom to Ella!!!

What a miracle, here I am sitting by my daughters bedside watching her sleep. Every once in a while she opens her eyes sleepily, looks to make sure I'm still here than back off to dream land she goes. As I take this journey I am amazed at all the things God has brought us through, He has truly walked with us through everything. I have learned how very powerful prayer is! I have experienced love from Friends, family, and even people I don't know at a whole new level. God is so good to show His love through others! Although this journey has been so long  it has only really just begun, somehow I am excited about the future even though at times it is overwhelming. This path God chose for us isn't what we would have chosen for ourselves, but we wouldn't give it up for anything in the world. Although this life will have many adjustments we didn't expect to make, this life will be filled with a deeper love, more cherished moments, stronger bonds, and most importantly a deeper trust in the one who gave us everything, My Jesus! Our sweet Ella Dawn has brought more joy than I ever thought possible, she truly is my sunshine, her eyes make my heart smile. One of the hardest things about all of this is the lack of contact with my baby, sometimes I don't feel like a mom at all, but when she looks in my eyes the feeling that sweeps over my body is indescribable... and I am sure, at that moment, I am her mom! Getting the chance to love someone this much is a wonderful experience, watching someone you love this much suffer is harder than you can imagine. Knowing that God is in control is sometimes the only thing I can cling to, even at her bedside I am completely helpless to do anything at all, and that is a heartbreaking helplessness unlike any other. I am so blessed beyond measure at the unfailing support of Jon, he is truly un-human at times, he somehow manages to be the perfect husband and the perfect daddy!!! Watching him with Ella brings tears to my eyes and I fall in love with him at a whole new level! Ella is already in love with her daddy, she searches the room for him when she hears him talking, and seeing my tiny baby in Jon's big strong arms somehow makes me feel safe. I just know that as long as Jon is here and able Ella and I will be taken care of! God knew what He was doing when He gave us Jon... us girls need our man! I can't wait to hold my sweet Ella again, I don't know how long it will be, but I know it won't be soon enough!!! Holding her for the first time was the most incredible thing in the whole entire world... wow what a blessing! I can't tell you the countless times I prayed through tears that I would have that moment, God is so good to give us blessings along the way! As I type this my eyes are filling with tears as I remember all the times I begged God to not make us walk this path, begging him through sobbing prayers in the night to heal my baby girl, feeling her wiggle inside as I prayed. Little did I know that walking this path, I have experienced His love for me in a whole new way, I have felt love and support that I never would have, and I cherish Ella so much more than I would have. Even though this is far more than I "bargained" for... I know God is good all the time. Ella is truly a blessing, she has touched the lives of so many, God has strengthened others prayer walks with Him through her life... that includes me!The night after Ella's third heart surgery our little baby took a very severe turn for the worse, as we set there helpless to change anything, the only thing to do was stare at her stats and wait. Jon and I began to pray, first separately then together. As we prayed in her room the doctors continued to try to figure someway to get her racing heartbeat under control and back in rhythm. When we said amen, not even a few minutes later the Doctor said "wait" "what just happened", her stats had stabilized, "we didn't do anything" all the nurses and doctors said wow that's great. Jon and I immediately turned to one another and exchanged a smile. We knew what had "just happened" God "happened"!!! It is at times like this when we are helpless and the news is bad that the former "me" would have fallen apart, not to say I didn't feel fear, but being able to put her in God's hands and see the results so quickly truly builds my faith like no other. I am constantly ready to see what God is going to do next in our lives! No this journey isn't easy and no it is not without fear and pain, but God is working in our lives and Ella is being so strong, we love her more than words. Dear Lord, thank you for Ella's life, thank you for all You have done this far. Thank you for all of the people that are praying so faithfully for our family, thank you for all of the blessings we have received. Thank you for providing for us. Please continue to work in our lives and in Ella's life, please make us who You want us to be. May You be honered and glorified by our words and actions. We thank You for all that You are going to do, we love You and we trust You, amen ~ Amy

17 comments:

  1. Amy , I love you. We can not wait to see you and the baby! and bring her lots...lots 8 lots of cousins to giggle and ahhh over her... praying
    Aunt Beth

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  2. Amy, you and Jon are so inspiring. Know that we are praying here in California. I have our homeschool group and many other friends on Facebook praying too. Thank you for encouraging us in our faith and walk with the Lord when we should be encouraging you!
    My son (who is 4) prays regularly for Ella. Yesterday, he said "Mom I can't wait until God heals Ella and she can come home. I'm going to go see her and play with her."
    Keep on keeping on, knowing that God never grows weak or tired. Love - The Daggett Family

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  3. Wow What a testimony! You three are awesome!! We are continually praying and love seeing God work!!

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  4. Amy, you are so precious. Your words have blessed me this morning, and you are reminding me to treasure the fact that I can pick my baby girl up any time I want to. I cannot get over these good reports about Ella. God is so good.
    We will still be praying for all of you. Thanks for sharing your story and your girl with us!

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  5. That was beautiful! I love you, and am praying!

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  6. You are an extraordinary mama. How lovely and praiseworthy that you are bonding with your sweet daughter and having moments that bring you closer to her and to the Lord. I am Jenn's friend, not a creeper. ;)

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  7. Amy, when I awake each morning, your baby girl is the first thought God brings to my mind. I pray for all of you and then get up and check your blog. So humbled and thankful this morning to read your words of precious love and thankfulness to the Father. So very, very thankful God allowed YOU to be Ella's mom and to experience the love and joy of being her mom. The hardest trials in life force us to our knees before the throne of grace because in doing so we acknowledge HIM as our source, our strength, our rock and our sustainer in a way that I believe isn't really possible when everything in life is good. To totally, completely lay it all at His feet brings you to a new intimacy with Him that changes your life forever. We've lived through a hard trial in a different way and we, too, would never have chosen to have lived it if God had asked us, but we wouldn't change having lived through it because of what it produced in us knowing Him in a deeper way. It is a privilege to pray for you, Jon and Ella every day. May today be another day of sweet blessing with your gorgeous baby girl. With love from your sister in Christ, a mom and a Gram, Brenda

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  8. From one heart mom to another...Praise the Lord. I will keep you in my prayers. Ps...my heart baby is fixing to turn 20 in Oct.!!!! Hang in there guys we have a wonderful Father who loves us :)

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  9. Amy, you're making me cry all my make-up off at work!!!! Love and prayers...:)

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  10. Amy, I am praying for you and your family and thanking God that Ella is doing well. I pray that you will be able to hold her and enjoy her soon. It can be hard to understand why God places the trials that He does in our lives, but you are doing exactly what He wants. You are praying and putting all of your trust in Him. That is an extraordinary gift to receive at 22, even though sometimes it is not packaged like a gift, and it is something you never would have asked for. God will bring you and your family through this and Ella will be walking and talking and pottying (mine is this week) before you know it. And you will have a testimony that will bring people closer to God. I know that my faith, which I already thought was strong, has been strengthened in praying for your family and seeing how God is working in your lives. I know that because of your faith, God will continue to bless your beautiful family.

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  11. Wow..what a beautiful testimony!!!

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  12. Your journey with Ella has touched my heart. My prayers and thoughts are with you all.

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  13. What a testimony! To God be the glory!

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  14. It was so good to read your words, Amy! Your faith is such an inspiration to me. Love and prayers!

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  15. We love you Amy, Jon, and Ella! We are looking forward to the day you all come back home and we meet Ella in person. Praying constantly! Love, Jeff and Becky

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  16. That was such a great post!!! God has placed your family on my heart, I am praying for you guys daily. I want you to know that Ella has touched my heart and life in a huge way!! I admire you so much for what you are going through, I pray God gives you the strength you need for each moment that goes by. I love you guys and will continue to pray for you!!

    With Love,
    Whitney

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